Reflections on my 61st birthday: “Why don’t I ever meet those people?”

In the early- to mid-1990s, we sat in our first church small group. (We’d been wanting small groups in our previous independent Baptist church, but the pastor wouldn’t allow them.)

This first one for us was at Bean Blossom Mennonite Church—which I’ve blogged about before, here—the church with the “Strangers Expected” sign over the front door, the church where the entire congregation sang in four-part harmony, the first church I joined where the women wore pants, where I couldn’t possibly bring myself or allow my daughter to do the same, a now-embarrassing memory that maybe I can explore one day in a therapist’s chair.

But I digress . . .

The thing I actually wanted to talk about now is something that happened in the small group.

I remember hearing Jeanne tell her story, the story of how she came to the Lord.

“I was so hungry for God,” she said. “But I didn’t know how to find Him. I had moved to a new place and worked as a cashier at a grocery store, and whenever someone came through my line who wore a cross, I asked, ‘Do you go to church? Could I go to church with you?’ But nobody wanted to take me to church with them. Finally one woman told me where her church was and said we could come, but when we came she didn’t even want to sit with us. That was the day my husband and I gave our hearts to the Lord.”

And now they were at Bean Blossom Mennonite with us, our lives intersecting at the church with the “Strangers Expected” sign that had first drawn us in.

Good grief, I thought. Someone this hungry for God, she wanted to come to Jesus, and nobody wanted to help her? But instead of being incensed with those who seemed cold and heartless, my thoughts went in a different direction.

Where are the people like her? Why don’t I ever meet those people?

I thought about the people I had been reaching out to over the previous weary years, the woman whose house I kept visiting to talk with her about Jesus even though she didn’t seem interested. . . . The woman whose troubles I didn’t understand who seemed like she had a wall around her. . . .The woman I kept reaching out to even though she seemed like she might snap my hand off. . . .

Of course now I look back and understand some of those things differently, but at the time . . .

Why don’t I ever meet people like Jeanne? I thought. Those people who are so hungry to know You? If I’d been going through her check-out line, you’d better believe I would have jumped at her request!

And then I prayed a life-changing prayer.

Lord, would you bring me those people? The people like Jeanne, who are asking and seeking?

I remembered how I had heard someone preach on John 4, after Jesus had carried on His fascinating dialogue with the woman at the well and then was talking with his disciples.

“Don’t ask the Father for a harvest,” He said. “Ask Him for laborers to work the harvest. Because I’m telling you, the harvest is right there.”

I see Him stretching out his arm to the expanse, and then pointing to the town, from which the woman was running back out to Him, followed by a host of others, all running toward Him, willing to “come and see” because her story was so incredible.

The woman of Samaria (the woman at the well) comes running to Jesus, bringing townspeople with her. Illustration by Kreigh Collins

Lord, would you bring me those people? I want to be one of the laborers, but I don’t see the harvest. The ground I’m working seems hard and bare. But because of what you said, and because of what Jeanne said, there must be a harvest all around me. I want to meet them.

That was the beginning. It was almost as if the Lord had said, “I was waiting for you to ask.”

I look back through the years and see how very much I myself needed to learn and change, in ways I wasn’t even aware of. But even still, He faithfully began to bring me friends who had a similar passion to know Him.

Sometimes I could answer their questions. Sometimes I couldn’t. Some of them had been looking for God and found Him as we talked and prayed together. Some of them, with me, began to know Him more deeply.

Now, with the internet that I couldn’t have imagined in those days, I praise God all over again that He’s sending me more of those who are hungry and thirsty for Him, even in their places of desperation.

The past few years, as the Lord has been asking me “Are you ready to go into darker places?” and I’ve answered “Yes Lord, if You’ll go with me,” He has continued to faithfully bring me the people.

The people who have been afraid to tell their stories—in some cases even those who have been trying to figure out what their stories are. . . . The people who have been shunned and shunted away by others of those who claim to represent the Savior, maybe because their lives look messy and their stories are messy sometimes almost beyond belief.

Lord, would you bring me those people? The harvest you said is out there? The check-out clerks who are asking someone, anyone, to take them to where they can find the true God?

I wanted to be one, like Jesus, who was expecting the strangers.

“Oh, certainly. I was waiting for you to ask.”

Thank you, Lord. Thank you for the people you’ve brought into my life over the last 25 years. What a wonderful gift to ponder as I turn 61.

*****

Birthday reflections have been an annual tradition for me since I started my blog. Here are two:

Reflections on my sixtieth birthday: reframing my name

Reflections on my fifty-ninth birthday: a warrior’s tale

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Pamela Hamilton
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Thank you for sharing Jeanne’s story, Rebecca and for the reminder to ask. Happy birthday!

NG
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NG

Yes, Amen, Lord Jesus!!

Lori DeHart
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Lori DeHart

I always like your thoughts that you share-thank you and Happy Birthday!
-Lori

Vicki S.
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Vicki S.

Lovely post, Rebecca. Very inspiring for me.

T.L.
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T.L.

You are such a precious sister and beautiful example. Happy birthday, joyful harvest-worker. ❤️

Mary Shellnut
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Mary Shellnut

Rebecca, I too, am reflecting on a birthday in my 7th decade. Over the past few years. I have grown more and more horrified by the behavior of these supposedly godly men who have tortured, raped, and destroyed the lives of countless young women (and men-i.e. Paul Pressler). In reading Jane Doe’s story, I am again finding myself enraged and nauseated and grieving.

I was victimised in my workplace in the 1980s and 1990s. These were unbelievers and I received more support and justice through that secular workplace than Jane Doe and others in the body of Christ! And there are too many cowardly “Christian” men who are too afraid to risk their own money or reputations to seek real justice for those hurt. They are guilty as well before God because they fear man more than God. They arw diagusting and filthy rags before God.

My first response is to call down lightning feom heaven upon all these arrogant abusive monsters who bring auch shame to the name of God. I cry out to Him for justice in behalf of these vulnerable, trusting young people. I know that He is good, Holy, and loving God. In addition, I know that we must stand and cry out for this justice to the earthly authorities whom God has set in place to restrict the wickedness of humankind. Thank you for your leadership in this.

May God bring His vengeance ans justice upon the John MacArthurs, Paige Pattersons, Bill Hybels, Frank Pages, Paul Presslers, Eddie Strubles, Tom Chantrys and so many others who are ravenous wolves preying upon the flock of Christ. May we, strong women of God be true Ja’aels and Deborahs, Judiths, and Susannahs (like those women in the Bible). May we rear women who are wise and wary and NEVER let these types of injustices pass without demanding strong righteous action against the perpetrators. May God raise up a generation of truly holy righteous men and women of God.

True is the Word of God: “Put not your trust in princes or in a son of man.” Psalm 146:3
May Christ bring, soon, a truly just and holy world and society.

TS00
Guest
TS00

Rebecca, I cannot help but suspect a correlation between the entities you describe. You have The Church on one hand, which, if it actually revealed the way to God would be filled to overflowing. Then you have, as you and I have both experienced, the damaged people who have come from The Church; people who are not only in deep need themselves, but know better than to send anyone else to their spiritual ‘doctor’.

It seems very similar to our corrupt and inept medical establishment, which, rather than producing universal health or cures for disease, has led to an ever sicker, suffering population. Both establishments push what sells, which is ‘take this remedy, and continue on as usual’. When done subtly, with promises of health and vitality, it is an offer few can resist.

Appealing to our weak flesh, (which suggests who is behind all of this) the medical establishment with its germ theory and pill for every problem allows men to eat whatever they want and live however they want, believing that disease is something that randomly drops on you from the skies – or from your closest friends. The official narrative insists that all we can do is pump our bodies full of toxic poisons and hope for the best, so we line up for our vaccines and go on our merry, unhealthy way. How many want to hear that the real cause of disease is unhealthy living – the toxic chemicals in our air, water, food and medicine, coupled with unhealthy relationships and an unnatural lifestyle?

I trust you can already see the parallel with The Church? How easy it is, even for the well-meaning, to be seduced by the ‘one sprinkle and your good’ or ‘say one prayer and be saved’ philosophy that has been marketed by the Spiritual Establishment since this thing called ‘Christianity’ was first created.

In both cases, we have been seduced by lies and false marketing. It is not that we do not really desire true physical and spiritual health; but the real road to both is far more interactive and demanding than what the institutional authorities have to offer. Real physical and spiritual health require living the way we were designed to live, which would require giving up many of the things modern ‘progress’ has given us. And we have been seduced by the false lures of painless overconsumption.

As I watched my in-laws gradually succumb to diabetes, obesity and dementia, among other chronic health issues, I tried vainly to encourage them to eat and live healthier. Naively, they bought the entire official health narrative, and trusted that ‘fat-free’ processed foods, margarine, and toxic artificial sweeteners were the best approach to real health; yet these consistently produced only more weight gain, more chronic health issues and an eventual dependence upon over a dozen prescriptions for each of them. Sadly, I realized I was not only competing with the trusted ‘authorities’, but the subconscious appeals to convenience and pleasure that these authorities employed to lure people in.

The official narrative promises you can have your cake and your health too – as long as you eat the sugar-free variety. My approach suggests you knock off the cake altogether, apart from a once a year birthday treat. The medical establishment allows endless sugary drinks, as long as they are ‘diet’, whereas my approach demands one give them up altogether, along with all other artificial, overprocessed chemicals disguised as food.

And so it is with the Spiritual Establishment. The ‘be baptized and be saved’ of old has been replaced with the ‘Go to church weekly and put your money in the plate’ road to salvation, both of which are far more attractive than actually turning your life around and thinking of others instead of living for your own pleasure. The Fundamentalist Establishment, which claimed to be more serious, offered legalism and authoritarian abuse as a substitute for walking in step with the Spirit of God, which, as we are now seeing, is even more destructive to those who listened to its siren song.

So, most of us are literally eating and intoxicating ourselves to death physically, and with the inducements of television and other media, we similarly intoxicate our souls.

My guess is that the reason you have found an audience, Rebecca, is that you are offering the real thing, a relationship with God, our maker, that deep within, most people long for. May you continue to share this good news.

I hope you have a wonderful birthday.

Z
Guest
Z

Happy Birthday, Rebecca! And thank you for all the great blog posts and your books that have helped me begin to sort out the lifetime of abuse from the time of my birth by both my parents. (We are about the same age.)

That ongoing, near-daily abuse (plus my having to witness near-daily horrific DV between parents too) led to such an obsession with escaping them that I got married at a very young age to>another abuser. “Red flags” didn’t exist in my world. I didn’t know what “normal” was. I was nearly killed by him numerous times. Finally after too many fruitless years of church counseling, police and legal involvement, separations after abuses.. I got away for good. Then I got some good counseling for the scars of my childhood. Part of that outcome was to have minimal contact with my family going forward.

The important and MOST distressing thing is that ALL my abusers have been “professed born-again Christians”! This hypocrisy all around (hands that were lifted in “praise” to the Lord on Sundays were the same hands that strangled me to unconsciousness, broke my jaw, left bruises on me regularly..) led to my running away from all things “Christian” for much of my adult life. But I never lost my inner love for the REAL JESUS. I just couldn’t see Him or learn about Him around these hypocrites. And my churches/pastors/church counselors were of no help. Some made things worse for me.

But thank God that changed and I found true salvation and a real relationship with Jesus all on my own-crying our to Him in desperation and through reading God’s Word with the Holy Spirit’s help. I found the TRUTH!

My parents are STILL abusive. My also-abused siblings never sought counseling or any other help as adult survivors of childhood abuse for their resulting “scars” because they won’t admit they have scars-but their very unhappy, dysfunctional lives clearly show that they certainly do. Instead, they are all now more than just SUPER-codependents/enablers of their abuser parents. They IDOLIZE them! Like cult members do with cult leaders. They are also abusers/abusers-by-proxy..playing their roles as “Flying Monkeys” who are “all in” on the “clan/cult” mentality. Still trying to get the love and approval they never got and will NEVER get from their parents/abusers. They aren’t capable of real love for anyone but themselves.

I and my present longtime husband-a very healthy, happy marriage to a real true Christian man-have been targets of all of them since we married. Even with minimal contact. To the point of a violent attack by them after we had consistently kept to our firm protective boundaries and periods of No Contact after their abuses, which continued regularly. They retaliated with violence-would NOT accept our “separateness” nor respect our need for protective boundaries, so they literally attacked us!

Of course we called the police. And now the No Contact with all of them is permanent for our safety.

The expected smear campaign, the lies, character assassination, triangulation among our friends and extended family, “polishing” and “grooming” and outright “bribing” with money, gifts, lavished flattery, dinners paid for and sudden, heaped on attention,…of church people and all others possible, to “buy” their “loyalty” to “be on their side” and to not support us, is to a degree that is extraordinary. They’ve done this to some degree all their lives whenever they’ve been exposed even a little for what they do behind closed doors. But this is a stratospheric level!

And so we’ve been completely isolated as a result. People don’t want to get involved in messy, especially violent family issues. They placate the known abusers out of fear and cowardice. Or they prefer to keep “gaining” by taking the abusers’ “payoffs” and side with them. It pays off well for them. These are “Christians” who know of evil/wolves in their midst and choose to say and do nothing. I consider that to also be evil.

Just like all my extended family did all the years when I was being abused as a helpless child. These “Christian” relatives lived upstairs and adjoining-next door. They saw, heard, KNEW of the abuse of us children that they were related to and they chose to walk by our door as we were clearly being beaten viciously. No anonymous calls to police, child services..No intervention to get us away from the beatings.

I’m trying to work through all this. It gets overwhelming. So many layers of betrayals.

But I have Jesus as my best closest friend Who will NEVER betray me!! He is binding up my wounds! (Rebecca=>bind!!)

Please pray I heal completely from all that’s happened in my life. Thanks. God bless you for all you do for victims.

anonymous
Guest
anonymous

Many do shun those with messy lives. But I find the people with messy lives more often than not are fellow abuse victims. It’s so good to find genuine people with true desire to seek God and learn and grow in God’s Word.

As my life has become messier and messier, I have also seen the possible silver lining in it — truly coming to recognize that there’s really only one matter of crucial importance in this blink of an eye life, which is our relationship with the LORD. Being true followers of Christ. Showing love to others. Speaking truth. Helping others. And shunning the wicked, calling out evil, and fighting the wolves. Much of this is done on your blog and I’ve only been following it and reading it for a short time. It’s so easy to get distracted or to be deceived, but clinging to faith, centering one’s life around it, come heck or high water, Jesus it is!

Happy, Happy Birthday!

anonymous 2
Guest
anonymous 2

This is in reply to Z. The reply feature doesn’t work for some reason. I hear you, Z. I don’t have the same setup but abusers are abusers and they infect victim’s lives. I’m glad you have a good, truly Christian, husband, as that is rare these days.

It’s really hard to call abusers what they are, to accurately play referee from the sidelines, but if there is any silver linings to be had in being abused it is in renewed importance of Christ as well as being able to see the bullcrap as it is. Flying monkeys, smear campaigns, needing to go no contact. All these things come from hard-won wisdom.

Pretty isolating being victimized and others not seeing things for what they are — or otherwise not wanting to resist alongside you and just go along with the abuser. I figure it is go-along to get-along because of perks, threats, weariness, or ignorance, or worse yet, being fellow abusers themselves/

Good for you for seeing things as they are and being able to articulate it so well. Our stories and experiences differ but it is nonetheless, the same old, same old in many aspects. I applaud you for being able to get law enforcement involved. I don’t trust that cops wont side with the savvy, charming, predators (criminals) and abusers. It’s happened before and nope, I don’t need more harm to come my way. It’s overwhelming to be victimized if too heavily traumatized as it is. Each additional trauma compounds the rest, as do added incidents of further criminal victimization. But I figure it has to be hardest to call police on family so I applaud you for that ability.

Anyhow, back to Birthday Woman, and hoping she is enjoying her special day.

NG
Guest
NG

Dear Z, there is so much familiar in your story – about some of my close relatives and how they have treated me. Smear campaign, bribes and gaifts for attention and loyalty, also, an outwardly succesful Christian ministry while I am alone and have nothing to ‘prove’ that I am living for the Lord… no success, no husband, no children, while my bullies and abusers have all of that..)
It is painful to take the time to even talk about it, because most times, people’s reactions has been ‘just forgive’. Also, people expect me to reconcile and be OK with the abuse, while no one called the person(s) to accountability. Very little emotional support from the church and no understanding.

I have chosen to not feel guilty, but I won’t even associate with those people when they come to visit my parents. We hear stories how relatives have fallen out and refuse to speak to one another, and we all tend to think ‘oh, how stubborn! reconcile while you can!’ Now, I am one of those stubborn ones who has chosen to place boundaries around me and value myself enough. That makes me the ‘unloving’ one in their eyes.
But the Lord sees and judges righteously, that is for sure. I am just praying that He would also somehow vindicate me in this life as well, so it is not all wasted because of the oppression caused by malvolent family members.

Z
Guest
Z

In reply to Rebecca, anonymous, anonymous2, NG,
I thank you for your kind comments and mostly for this forum-a community of sisters (likely some brothers too!) impacted by abuse who understand, care about & support one another. Some of us who are isolated and shunned because we exposed abuse have no other support. I thank God for all of you!

As a footnote to my unfinished story told above, the decision to call the police, rightly so, as a violent crime was committed, turned out to be a DISASTER OF INJUSTICE. No justice there. The OPPOSITE-because police appear to be clueless or choose to be clueless &/or lazy about Domestic Violence calls and abusive families, enablers, flying monkeys, etc..

Despite us doing the law-abiding thing & calling 911 immediately, police, who believed us, still botched everything. Instead of separating the attacker and family of abusers/enablers, they allowed the abusers to have all the time in the world to come up with lies & hide the weapon before police finally went inside the scene of the crime/house. The “cult/clan” twisted the obviously one-sided weapon attack-evidenced by: the bludgeoned face of my husband, yet no marks on the attacker anywhere; our calling the police for their help, but the attacker nor family did not call police to report that my husband did anything to anyone at all; attacker & enabler/abusive family were allowed to tell numerous lies & conflicting, changing stories to the police with no consequences for clearly lying to police; their hiding of the weapon-denying its existence instead of handing it over to police to be tested (if innocent, wouldn’t the accused turn it over to police to prove his “innocence” instead of hiding it from them?); police did not follow domestic violence law MANDATING calling theTRAINED Domestic Violence Officer to the scene..That would have made a difference. That’s why it’s the LAW! Trained to sift through all the garbage of abusers, enablers, flying monkeys…To PROTECT VICTIMS from them. Much more went terribly wrong.

The officers who responded believed us as to what happened. The evidence showed it clearly. They could see the imprint of the blunt weapon on my husband’s face with bleeding gashes, a giant hematoma with the outline of the weapon. They said they were arresting the attacker (only) on “Felony Aggravated Assault & Battery With Intent to Cause Serious Bodily Harm or Death”. But they said they had to call their Lt. “as protocol in a DV call”. A 1/2 hour passed. A pissed-looking Lt. arrived & walked right by us-the victims! He never looked at my husband’s face/injuries nor spoke with either of us! Went right into the house where the clan had been together plotting their “defense” for so long unsupervised. We suspect he was annoyed at the one & only call all that day-an NFL Playoffs day.

One of the original responding officers came out after awhile & apologized to us. He said “We have to follow our Lt’s orders. We know they are lying. We know you were hit with a weapon & they hid it. But the Lt said ‘Just arrest them both & let the court sort it out’.” “Dumbfounded” doesn’t describe the feeling of being a victim of a vicious life-threatening attack with serious injuries & calling the police for their help &instead being ARRESTED along with the obvious attacker! The officer said “Your father (cult/clan leader & chief lifelong abuser) said your husband was the one who attacked.” (No evidence-not a mark on attacker.) After father’s & the others’ multiple lies to police, the police were NOW calling this liar (father) an “Independent Witness”!!! And basing their arrest of a DV victim on his known lies!! This lifelong abuser/enabler father who houses & supports his abuser son- the 55 year old attacker & lies about his true life to cover up for him every day IS NOT AN INDEPENDENT WITNESS!! Hello??
Lt never once looked at my husband’s face nor spoke to either of us ever. Just left the scene. The victim in handcuffs along with the attacker who had not a mark on him anywhere.None of the evidence or truth or laws or even what the police KNEW to be the truth mattered at all! How EVIL wins in these cases with these demonic people.

The DV law says a “witness statement” must have EVIDENCE to back it up. And it must be an “Independent” witness. All DV laws in place were ignored. We were doubly traumatized by the police after the attack. Plus the attacker swung the weapon at MY face & head saying he’d KILL ME,until my husband saved me by taking the attack upon himself. THAT IS A CRIME! Police wouldn’t charge him-get this-because I didn’t have marks on me!! Yet they arrested my bloodied husband-the VICTIM-for supposedly “attacking” his attacker>WHO HAD NO MARKS ON HIM!! How is that a crime yet what was done to me wasn’t?? Surreal.

Lots of other stuff we had to go through to get husband’s false charges dropped. Maniac attacker ALSO had charges dropped for “lack of evidence”! (I know, crazymaking stuff!!) Judge never was shown pictures of my husband’s bludgeoned face that bled for 4 days after the attack & his shocking injuries compared to attacker’s having no marks on him anywhere. That’s our justice system. Our lawyer said “It’s how it goes all the time with police in these DV cases.” He said his job was simply to get my husband’s false charges dropped & not care what happened to the attacker’s charges!
We were let down down by EVERY agency & person meant to PROTECT victims & hold violent criminal abusers ACCOUNTABLE.

I’d hesitate to EVER call police again if I needed them for anything for fear of being arrested as a victim of a crime. What a helpless feeling. So so wrong.

Z
Guest
Z

Thank you Rebecca. I know you’ve likely heard/read so many similar stories about the failures of law enforcement, courts, lawyers, judges…who aren’t at all wise to the all too common tactics of demonic abusers & their willingly “blind”, also demonic, followers. Of course they don’t know about the spiritual warfare we victims know we are facing. What comfort to know that Jesus☝SEES & KNOWS IT ALL! The Lord weighs all hearts & motives. And He repays each in His perfect wisdom & vengeance for what they’ve done so we don’t have to.

I wanted to be sure to add a well-deserved “shout out” to the HOLY SPIRIT!!! To encourage others when the earthly people in authority have so utterly failed us.

When the false accuser of my abuse/violent crime victim husband->satanCOMPLETELY<NO CONTACT with ALL of the bad actors/hypocrites/people complicit in evil with their silence…in our lives that were also exposed through this!! Also part of God’s plan I believe.

So be encouraged dear fellow victims!! God is ALWAYS working on ALL that concerns His children, even when evil seems to prevail. ☝HE HAS THE FINAL SAY OVER ALL‼️ Hallelujah‼️

Z
Guest
Z

Sorry, the middle chunk of my previous post explaining how the Holy Spirit caused divine intervention and a 2nd chance for us to get justice, is missing. So the post won’t make sense!
Just know-God is IN CONTROL. Be encouraged.

NG
Guest
NG

Thank you for sharing your testimony, Z, about how God is working in your situation and turning it all around. Nothing in my life has been like what you have been through from the law enforcement officials, but I know the feeling of shouting for justice and instead being framed as the villain…
When my bullies harassed me at school, I asked for my then-teacher for help.. with the reaction ‘oh, just live in peace amng each other’. (As if I was the problem and not willing to live in peace.)

I have been framed, shunned and slandered in the last few years and lost ministry opportunities because of ‘friends’ who have me to be the bad person. While my ex pastor with his smooth talking social skills has all the resources to build his own kingdom, rejoicing at my situation of isolation.
My comfort is in prayers that God would mightily wotk through me in other people’s lives as an instrument of justice / vindication. So that He would vindicate other mistreated people through my life and help me to serve them as a blessing.

Fellow Christian
Guest
Fellow Christian

The potential for being wrongly arrested is real. I have heard about others whose abusers went even further and attacked themselves, scratched, punched, and read about one stabbing himself, so that they’d have ‘evidence’ to show the officers of their lies.

And this is REALLY unpopular of me to say but the reality is most cops are abusers themselves, same goes for lawyers and judges. They are all largely men’s clubs and abusers – who love power and control – flock to such professions as they get to exercise vast amounts of power and control over others and be paid to do so.

Abusers are criminals. And most criminals are way more savvy and educated about the law and how the judiciary works than any victims are. Just another tool in their arsenal. Imagine how fun it was for the abusers to pervert justice so severely that their attacked and injured, totally innocent, victim/target is now being handcuffed, jailed, fingerprinted, charged, and needing to be bailed out, spending money on an attorney to defend against the bogus charges, etc.!

I fear the police and I’m white. Innocent people shouldn’t fear the police but I’ve seen, heard about, and read about way to much corruption and abuse by cops, attorneys, judges, etc. Victims shouldn’t have to be afraid to call 911 but reality is different.

Thankfully, God exists and even though abusers, predators, criminals, sadists, and misogynists turn things upside down in this life, God sees it all. God promises to be our Avenger. I read Psalms 73 a lot of times when I see how abusers just profit more and more whereas their targets are destroyed, disabled, and wrecked by the evildoing.

Z
Guest
Z

Dear Rebecca, “NG” and “Fellow Christian”,
I take such comfort that you all understand and empathize with victims of this evil demon of abuse and the many ways it manifests. The lifelong scars it produces, the “trust issues” especially of those in authority, who should know better and care about VICTIMS, but have so badly let us down and even injured and retraumatized us.
“NG”-I’m so sorry that you being bullied resulted in a trained teacher “equating” a bully’s aggression (even I know, likely a future abuser!) with you-the victim! Telling YOU to be “peaceful”??? I’m glad you see through that “lie”.
As adults, we are often pressured into “Biblical counseling” by our churches. Couple’s Counseling for the victim who exposes her abuse-together! with her abuser!
That should never happen. A victim doesn’t need “couple’s” counseling. And it doesn’t work. Abusers lie in counseling as they wear their masks everywhere in public!
I heartily agree with your weeding out of your life those who don’t stand with you for righteousness and justice-firmly and openly against any abuse.Those aren’t people you need in your life.
Biblical forgiveness means we turn the abuser(s) over to God to handle and to avenge for us. Free yourself from even any thoughts of them. Forgiveness does NOT mean reconciliation! It could be dangerous or fatal! Certainly can be foolish to know someone means you harm, is unrepentant and will likely harm you again, and people guilt trip you into letting that person have any access to you again? Not Biblical. 1 Cor. 5:12-14
“Expose and expel” the false Christian wolf from the flock to safeguard the flock.
I will pray God leads you to your destiny/purpose-to be a voice to and for victims. I know you would be great at it! I appreciate your voice!
“Fellow Christian”-thank you for the further insight into the “power aspect” of our judicial system-yes-mostly men. And my husband has also said he suspects many police and powerful men in the judicial field may also be abusers too. How do we explain how outcomes keep being SO wrong? Authorities can’t be that clueless. Maybe they don’t like women who stand up and say “No More”. It threatens their usual power over women?
Our attorney did say he was surprised the attacker and his whole enabling/abuser “witnesses” DIDN’T “fake-injure” themselves! He was once a prosecutor and saw it happen more times than not in abuse cases.
I’m disgusted that we, who have already been victims of true criminals who got away with their vicious crimes, have to feel this way-so powerless that we fear calling 911 for future CRIMES against us! Things go so, so wrong with law enforcement too often to keep exposing ourselves to that risk of being so easily, carelessly and lazily falsely arrested, with the same charges as our attacker! Despite the clear evidence. No “work” involved for the police-the evidence/injuries are right there ON US! Instead they revictimize and harm/abuse us too.
I will keep you in my prayers too. We have to rise by lifting each other the way Christ has been the only one to lift us in our desolation and isolation.
Other than our necessary ongoing civil lawsuit and the expected response of outrageous whoppers of lies lies lies from the abusers/clan, complete NO CONTACT is the answer for me.
May the Peace of Jesus flood all of you right now. Amen.

NG
Guest
NG

Thank you for your prayers, Z. I do really appreciate them. So good to know you have a loving, healthy and supportive spouse – please pray that the Lord blesses me with the same. So many ‘good’ Christian men I have come across are in fact arrogant, emotionally aloof and downright cruel.
There is still a situation in my life where I am exposed to extremely hurtful behavior from a devout Christian … and I am praying for wisdom with whom to share, if applicable. Sharing can be either helpful, or hurtful, depending on whether the listening ear has compassion or not – I do not want another reaction like my back-then teachers, just telling me to cope with it and to live in peace with my tormentor..

Z
Guest
Z

Dear NG,
I’m so sorry you’ve been so wounded. It’s especially hard when the wounding is done by “self-professed devout christians”. As I previously said, my abusive parents, now my siblings, my entire extended family and Christian friends “shunning me” or at least avoiding me, for calling police and now having a lawsuit against all involved in the criminal attack on & false arrest of my husband,…ALL of them are professing devout christians. I’m not so sure. I call them complicit in evil. So I definitely hear you.
I do thank God He sent me the husband I prayed to Him for-after being abused in a marriage when I was young and wanted to escape my family. A common occurrence for victims of childhood abuse. I thought this was just going to be my life. That I was born to be abused. I had little hope. But God wants that fate for no one!
I can say for me it was far better to be alone than around people who meant to do mental or physical harm to me. I was alone for a long time and OK with it. It was better than the turmoil and stress. And I had minimal contact with my still-abusive family.
But God sent me my husband many years ago-when is accepted that I’d be alone probably for life-and we’ve faced the worst abuse for years from my family than they’d ever done. But we get to go through all this together, so I feel so badly that you have to go through tough things alone. I WILL pray that God send you a good man.
But know, in the meantime, we are a community here! We all care. And no explaining necessary-we’ve all been there.
I suggest a good blog article by Rebecca Davis that speaks to your issue. I think it’s called “How to handle those ‘forgive and forget Scriptures’.” (The “guilting” of people). It’s really good to refute the wrong counseling, teaching and general guilting of victims of abuses who can’t and shouldn’t “just forgive and forget”.
Plus, we are here to help you unload anytime you need to.
God bless you NG.

Z
Guest
Z

Dear NG,
I sent you a reply. I don’t see it in the comments though. So let me know if you don’t receive it and I’ll resend it.
For you!
Z

NG
Guest
NG

Thanks for your kind words Z… (it seems the ‘reply’ function works at times, but I don’t get it to work with my browser)
Yes, I have read that post you mentioned. Fully agree: forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting, and that was what I also commented on Rebecca’s latest post. We go forward, but also carry life’s lessons with us, hopefully gaining wisdom (and for me it is about divine wisdom, not about human wisdom – the ultimate goal is to live a life centered around the Lord, and thus no type of healing can be really productive if it excludes Jesus as the Truth) ….
I am glad you found a loving spouse, and sorry that you experienced an abusive one before that. I have never been through that. Might have happened to me as well, but at least that is one form of abuse I have been spared from. (Actually, had I been married and divorced, many Christians would actually gladly encourage and understand my longing for a husband, but as a single woman, I often hear that I should just be content and focus on all other things.. and even get professional help so I would sober up, chill down and not desire marriage any more..! No amount of therapists is going to take away my desire and longing for a godly husband to share my life with. But this is what many single women are hearing – we are blamed for wanting something that God created . May the Lord shut the mouth of all liars who speak againts the righteous, amen!)

Z
Guest
Z

Dear NG,
You are doing and thinking rightly-trusting in the TRUTH>JESUS.
Psalm 37:4-“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
Let no one change that desire for a Godly husband to share your life with. God is FOR marriage. Just not abusive ones. You are wise though and know the signs and red flags.
So I will continue to pray for this desire of your heart! For God Himself to choose His perfect mate for you!

NG
Guest
NG

Bless you, Z. I find it extremely frustrating when people try to force their narrative on others and dictate what healing should look like.. like, if you were truly healed, you would no longer be upset about such and such, or no longer have any longing for close human relationships (since, after all, God is all we need…)

For me, someone never being passionate about anything or feeling the pain caused by evil is not a sign of health, but a sign of numbness and hardness of heart. But coldness is often touted as normal.

Z
Guest
Z

Dear NG,
I believe the Bible says to love what God loves and hate what God hates. The Bible has many examples of the things God hates! Of course He hates evil. That’s why we have such a negative lasting reaction to evil done to us. God hates when evil is done to His children. Do people think He “forgets”? No. He WILL hold them to account.
The best we can pray for is peace in our spirit so their evil can’t harm us anymore or affect the rest of our lives.
And I agree with you. God made us for “relationships”. Not to be alone. So I get why your need is for a good relationship in your life. God put that desire in every human He made.
I pray for GOOD HEALTHY relationships , especially a Godly mate for you!
It’s HARD!! After you’ve been burned by “Christians” it’s hard to know who to trust. So we tend not to trust anyone. Struggling with that myself. Don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve been through enough. Be kind and patient with yourself. Let no one judge you!